Ziva
by LadyGwenMidas
Summary: Set after Aliyah. Tony/Ziva. ON HIATUS.
1. We found her

**I'm back! After watching the tragic outcome of season 6 I've decided I'm not going to write a sequel to 'Half Brother, Ari' (since the outcome turned out to be quite the opposite of my last fic but far more interesting i think) so instead I'm going to do what I do best and write a sort of 'continuation' to Aliyah (didn't feel the need for a long summary;) but mainly I'm writing this because I can't wait until next year for the happy ending, not that any fic would be half as good as next season.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything, none profit, just for fun, etc.**

**I hope you like it:) and thanks for your support for 'Half Brother, Ari', its probably a big part of the reason for why I'm writing this.**

_Two months later…_

Two months had passed and not a word. Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo finished writing up yet another request for permission to use mtac resources to locate Ziva. The requests had started a month ago, getting rejected by the day.

Gibbs, Abby and McGee shared the belief that Ziva would get in touch when she was ready, but Tony refused to believe in such feeble excuses. He wasn't expecting Ziva to call him, he'd come to realise he deserved the cold shoulder, but not the team. Surely she wouldn't neglect them for what he had done, even if he had driven her away.

When he thought that she had left because of Gibbs the only regret he felt was that they didn't get a chance to say goodbye. Now that he knew, after demanding from Gibbs the reason she gave him for leaving, he felt the most profound guilt he'd ever experienced. He still hoped of course, blinded by trust. Gibbs was adamant that she didn't mean what she said and that she really didn't want to leave NCIS. He assured him that he wouldn't replace Ziva until she'd had time to remember who she could trust. And Ziva hadn't been replaced. But after a confrontation with Vance, Gibbs hadn't pushed the matter either. One thing was for certain though, they were all worried.

"Is that another-" McGee asked cautiously as Tony finished his final request.

"Yep," he interjected, trying to avoid the sympathy. McGee just couldn't help himself.

"How many is that now? It has to be at least-"

"Thirty-one."

McGee sighed. "This is obsession, Tony."

"Hey, you got anything new?" Tony asked sarcastically. He already knew the answer.

"Only that she was deployed early last month, but…you already knew that." It frustrated him that he couldn't find out more. Her location was classified. But Tony seemed to think that the more requests he wrote, the more Vance would get sick of him and call in a favour from 'his buddy Eli'.

"Then its necessary, Tim!" Tony snapped irritably.

"Just trying to look out for you," McGee muttered, leaving Tony to deliver his latest request.

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_The Next Day…_

"Gibbs," Tony beckoned as he saw him clock in with his usual beverage.

"Tony," Gibbs stated warily.

"It's been two months."

"I know," Gibbs confirmed impassively.

"Well…" Tony tried to politely express his will, "doesn't it seem...odd to you that she hasn't contacted us? Any of us? Even though it was only me who pissed her off."

"You killed her boyfriend, DiNozzo," Gibbs corrected.

"Boss, she would have called by now," Tony said calmly. "She's had enough time to think it over and God knows what's happened to her in that time," just the idea stopped his breath short. "I'm worried about her," he whispered.

"We're all worried about her, DiNozzo," Gibbs replied.

"Then why aren't we doing anything about it?" he said bitterly and hurled an empty bin at the filing cabinet before collapsing into his chair and sinking his head into his hands.

"Tony's right, Boss," he heard McGee say. "I think you need to talk to Vance."

"If not for Ziva then for Tony," he whispered to make sure that Tony wouldn't hear.

Tony's head shot up as he waited for Gibbs' reply.

"I'll see what I can do."

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As Gibbs left Vance's office, he noticed that along with Tony and McGee, Abby, Ducky and Palmer were also assembled in the squadroom awaiting the news.

"So…are we going to get her back?" Abby asked first, breaking the silence.

Gibbs examined the assembly. Abby and Palmer were grinning, naturally, excited about the news on Ziva, Ducky and McGee shared the same expression, one that gave little away but was evidently doubtful, and then his eyes came to rest on Tony.

"He said he'll look into it," he said, sincerely sorry that he couldn't promise him more.

More days passed. Tony stopped writing requests. Gibbs found them more cases and McGee studied cold cases when Gibbs couldn't find them a new one. Abby had her experiments and Ducky had his bodies. Tony did his job and at the end of the day he went home, and eventually he began to loose track of the days. Until one day, Vance stepped out of his office and made an announcement.

"We found her."

**I'm kinda skipping through it a bit, fast-forwarding if you will, due to the fact that I'm in my last year of school and would rather finished this quickly than be a very lousy updater. So in the next chap Ziva will be back and safe from harm. I hope you don't mind that I'm doing it this way, and next chapter I promise not to write such long author's notes;)**


	2. Welcome back

"I'll see what I can do."

Vance smiled reassuringly and exited the room to where the team waited in the hallway. He gave them the all clear to go in and had begun to leave when he was confronted by Gibbs.

"I have a report to write up, Gibbs."

"Not until you tell me what you know you don't," Gibbs said furiously. "You said you found her?"

"She found us," he corrected. "Ask her, Gibbs. I've got work to do."

"I'm asking you!" he shouted.

Vance sighed knowing it would be easier to get this out of the way now rather than later. "She was tortured," he said quietly. For the first time since their arrival, Tony drew his eyes away from the glass of the hospital door to focus on what Vance was saying.

'How long?" Gibbs asked warily.

"Three weeks, maybe more," he replied. Tony looked back into the room and studied her face closely, knowing what he knew and yet he saw her no different. "Could've been longer if she hadn't escaped across the border," Vance continued. "When she made contact I had her transferred back to DC."

"Any particular reason for that, Leon?" Gibbs enquired.

"She said she had information regarding a possible terrorist threat towards the agency, which is why I have to return to headquarters as soon as possible. She's in your custody now, Gibbs." And with that in mind he continued down the corridor, already probing his staff for the latest updates. Gibbs made his way into the room leaving Tony, by his own will, unable to cross the border.

Ducky was revising her chart, searching for any errors her practitioners might have made. A lot of damage had been done, the type coherent with a combination of violence and consistency. Her latest x-rays showed her bones were healing, and the barely visible scaring on her face predicted that she had been in the hospital's care for some time now.

"How are you feeling, my dear?" Ducky asked as he slowly made his way into the room upon evaluating her.

"We've missed you so much!" Abby had said preceding him, throwing herself unthinkingly at the fragile woman in the bed. She winced slightly, but composed herself quickly for Abby's sake. "Promise me you won't ever leave again without letting me know first," she said fatally.

"It's good to have you back," said McGee thoughtfully.

When Gibbs entered the room the team gave them space as they knew how much his welcome meant. Gibbs didn't hesitate at the doorway like McGee and Ducky had. He walked right up to her with a mixture of emotions playing in his eyes and kissed her tenderly on her forehead, tucking gently her tangled hair behind her ears. Her eyes began to water.

"I shouldn't have let you go," he whispered.

Now she really knew that she was home. She looked around at Abby and McGee, smiling fondly, Ducky, finding it his duty to acquaint himself with her chart, and Gibbs, who had welcomed her back with open arms. She'd never truly known what it felt like to feel safe until now. But there was one face she longed to see most. If whatever they had between them was really lost, seeing his face would be enough.

"Where's…Tony?" she asked, struggling to find her voice. She noticed a range of glances in all directions before someone finally answered her.

"He's outside," McGee replied, kneeling at her other side. "I think, _he _thinks, you won't want to see him."

"We can go get him for you," said Abby brightly.

Gibbs looked at her knowingly. "We've got an investigation to get back to," he announced. "How long until she can be released, Duck?"

"Another twelve hours, perhaps," Ducky replied.

"Then Tony can wait with her," Gibbs concluded. He couldn't help but smile at the worried look on her face. "Everyone back to work."

The others groaned as they packed up their things. Abby gave her another big hug, and they each smiled reassuringly as they left one by one.

"Go easy on him," Gibbs said, and then the room was empty.

Outside, Gibbs gave Tony the order to stay with her until she was released and encouraged him to go see her. Soon enough they were gone and Tony was left alone in the empty corridor, contemplating whether or not to go in. Maybe he could just go in for a minute or two, make small talk and let her know he was just outside if she needed him. After all, he'd waited this long to see her and now that he had it should be enough just to know she was safe. Whether she stayed or not, the last time they had spoken hadn't exactly been pleasant, even though time may have changed him, he doubted her hatred towards him could be as easily amended.

He turned his back to the room and took a seat next to the door while he considered what to say. He knew he'd have to go in eventually. He'd often thought about what he would say to her if he had another chance, but under the circumstances…

"Tony."

He stood up immediately and gazed at the figure in the doorway. She had one hand holding the frame for support while the other grasped the stand with her IV drip that she couldn't go anywhere without.

"I was going to come in," he said nervously. He looked down and smiled as he realised it was his nerves that were holding him back. He looked back up and his smile widened at the perplexed expression on her face. "Welcome back."


	3. Looking into the past

Wordlessly, he guided her back into the room, keeping one hand at her waist just in case she should fall. She was very weak, but still managed to hold herself up using every ounce of strength that she had. He immediately felt guilty for making her walk to the door as he realised the difficulty it took just to get her to the bed. He helped her in gently and took the seat to her right. He watched her intently as she took a glass of water from her bedside table and drank it down greedily as if she might never have the chance again.

"Looks like someone finally found your Achilles' heel," Tony joked lightly, regretting it almost instantly. Luckily for him, she didn't seem to quite comprehend.

She gave him a confused look before finding fascinating objects within the room to stare at, eventually focusing all her attention on her hands.

"It's an expression," Tony explained, his voice getting dimmer near the end as he recognised how unimportant it was.

"They took the casts off my legs a few days ago," she said on another note. "That was the first time I've walked in a month," she explained.

"Then how did you cross the border?" Tony asked instinctively. She looked at him directly and Tony realised his mistake. "Sorry, I overheard Vance talking to Gibbs," he said, quickly looking away from the very real pain in her eyes. She too looked away.

"I did what I had to," she said coldly, as manner of explanation. Tony didn't push it further.

As the minutes passed and she took to fidgeting with her hands, he risked glancing at her the way he use to, when she was sat in the desk opposite him. Soon enough, even without the secrecy of the glass window, he took to staring at her as if making up for lost time. She hadn't changed. Her hair may have been a little messier than usual, and her hospital gown certainly did not do her justice, but she was just the same since last he saw her; leaving him literally on his back pining after her.

Unsurprisingly, she grew even more restless, sighing heavily and frequently checking the clock on the wall opposite her, painfully aware that he was staring and feeling very uncomfortable. Eventually she gave up and threw her hands by her sides.

"You know you don't have to wait right here," she emphasised. "Why don't you go and get a coffee or something."

"Why do you want one?" Tony replied.

"No."

"Then I'm not going anywhere. Sorry, Ziva, it looks like you're stuck with me," he said confidently.

Strangely, apart from feeling irritated, she was reminded of what it felt like to be a part of the team, a part of a family. Besides feeling patronised by nurses who would soothingly pronounce her name, she couldn't recall the last time she'd been addressed like an actual human being, regardless of the fact that Tony was clearly teasing her.

"Ziva, you ok?" There it was again…that feeling in the pit of her stomach whenever he used her name.

"Yes?" she replied, having no idea what he just said.

This was his chance, he thought. Time to stop kidding around and tell her what you've been wanting to say.

"I'm not sorry I killed Rivkin," he said forcefully, "but I am sorry I hurt you."

She had to take her mind back to their last encounter, to find the significance of his words. But she couldn't go back without feeling the pain.

"Did you really leave NCIS because of me?" Tony continued vitally.

"No," she replied instinctively. She didn't want to remember. "I did want to see you," she said, recalling something McGee had told her.

He stood up and walked to the foot of her bed. "I thought you hated me," he said, looking away from her face.

She was going to have to surpass this, this fear of looking back…even if most of her past was served under his shadow. "I did," she admitted, drawing his attention back to her face as she refocused hers. "It felt like you had stolen something from me. I remember thinking it wasn't fair." He had Jeanne, why wasn't she allowed to have a relationship? "Why did you do it?"

Tony walked over to the window and peered out. It wasn't the question of why he killed Rivkin, that part was easy. It was the question of why he was investigating him in the first place which was the hard part. He had begun tracking him down before he even knew he was linked to their case, because he was connected to Ziva, and that bothered him. "I don't know," he said plainly.

"That's not good enough," she said bitterly. Tony turned around and saw the look she might have given him if she hadn't been so angry that day that she'd avoided him completely.

"So you still haven't-"

"I've lost my religion, my country, everything!" she shouted suddenly, "And for what? So you can go to work and keep your secrets because I protected them? Tell me why," she demanded.

Tony didn't move until she released his eyes from hers, and began to pace back and forth across the room while she calmed down.

"Your undercover operation in Morocco…" he began, avoiding eye contact.

"I don't see how that's relevant," she stated.

"You almost died." She looked at him questioningly. "Ducky told me."

"It was nothing, believe me. But I still don't see what that has to do with-"

"So I went over some newsreel footage, and that's when I saw him. I got Abby to run a check for me and found out he was in DC. You lied to me." He turned to face her, once again standing at the foot of her bed. She looked away instantly.

"I never wanted to lie to you," she said instinctively.

"Then why did you, Ziva?" he asked, coming to sit beside her again.

"I guess…maybe, I was worried about your reaction," she said cautiously, trying not to rub it in his face. "So are you saying it was payback because I lied to you?" she asked disbelievingly.

"No," he replied quickly, "it's just, one thing lead to another. When I went to your apartment, I honestly didn't expect to find him there."

"Ok, Tony," she replied.

"Ok what?"

"No more questions," she said, exhausted.

"Mine or yours?" he enquired. She smiled.

"Was there something in particular you wanted to know, Tony?" she asked sceptically. Of course he would have questions for her, it had been two months, the questions were endless. But she hoped that he had the sense not to go there.

Tony automatically thought to make a joke at this point, but thought better of it and decided to ask something basic, yet significant, from his point of view anyway.

"Are you staying?"

She thought for a moment before answering. "I don't think I have much of a say in the matter."

"Do you want to stay?"

"I think it's necessary that I _do_ stay," she replied.

"Then I'll see to it that you do," he said softly.

"Excuse me, Miss David? The Doctor's here to see you now. I'm sorry Sir you'll have to wait outside," Ziva's nurse informed them politely.

"I'll be just outside," said Tony as he got up to leave. He let his hand squeeze hers gently; wishing he'd hugged her when he'd had the chance.

Ziva stared after him as he left the room.


	4. A shocking revelation

"So…what's the verdict?" Tony asked as he re-entered the room after the last nurse had left. "What's that?"

"Someone left me a package, from NCIS," she said as she ripped at the cardboard. "Oh, and apparently I'm free to leave," she said sullenly.

"That's good news, right?" Tony asked as he walked over to the bed. "Here, let me get that for you," he said, taking the package from her hands.

"Yes, except I have nowhere to stay," she replied. It was obvious that the hospital needed the extra bed. She would have to report back, of course, and have someone keeping an eye on her, which really wasn't an issue since she was apparently in the custody of NCIS. She just wasn't in the mood for being moved when all she wanted to do was sleep.

"Well you could always stay at mine," he said, looking down at the package even though he had already opened it. "I mean," he began facing her, "you can go to a hotel if you'd prefer, but chances are I'd just stay there anyways." That didn't sound right. "You know, because Gibbs will probably want me to stay with you." He looked down at the package and pulled out a handful of papers. He looked at them briefly and was about to hand them to her when he recognised the red stamp that had been imprinted on each request.

"What is it?" Ziva asked, observing his sudden frozen stance.

"Hmm? Oh, nothing," he said, quickly placing the requests back into the envelope. McGee…he thought. "I think there's been a mistake. This package should have been sent to me," he explained poorly, placing it firmly under his arm.

"I'll be the judge of that," she said, holding out her hand for the package.

"No really, it's a…case file. Yep, McGee must have left it for me to work on while I watched you." Yeah right.

"You want to know what I think, Tony."

"Hmm?"

"I think you're lying to me," she said arrogantly. "Give me your phone."

"Why?"

"I'm going to call McGee," she said smugly.

"Sorry, rules are rules. You can't use cell phones in hospitals," he said proudly.

"Fine. Then I'll call my nurse and tell her you _stole_ something from me," she said, getting angry now.

"You wouldn't," Tony replied boldly. Usually by now she'd have him on the floor.

"Tony," she said sternly, begging now.

He sighed. Even if he was still standing, he'd always let her win. "They're requests," he said softly.

"Requests?" she asked bewildered.

"Yeah, I started writing them when we didn't hear from you so I-we could find out where you were," he said shyly.

"How many are in there?" she asked curiously.

"Thirty-one," he answered a little too quickly. "Or something like that."

"Can I see them," she asked.

"I'd really rather you didn't," he said, embarrassed now. He silently thanked God, or more accurately Gibbs, as his phone began to vibrate inside his jacket pocket. "It's Gibbs," he said as he pulled out his phone. Ziva nodded and he left the room.

"Hey Boss," he said breathlessly.

"How's the patient?"

"She's ready to be released."

"You didn't let her sign herself out did you?" he asked sarcastically.

"You want me to stay with her, Boss?"

"What do you think, DiNozzo?"

"Ok, then I'll call in the morning? Oh, and thank McGee for the paperwork he sent over," he said dryly. "Hello...Boss?" He managed to catch the attention of a nurse down the hall who looked at him disapprovingly. "Ok, I'll talk to you later," he said quickly to himself and hung up. As he was about to go back into the room, he realised that the package was missing from under his arm.

He entered the room and cleared his throat noisily. "Find anything interesting?" he asked, faking confidence.

"These were all written in the same month?" she asked, not looking up from the paperwork.

"Oh. Were they?" he asked as if the revelation came as a surprise.

"You missed me," she concluded looking up at him, penetrating his mind with her eyes.

"They gave you morphine didn't they?" he asked insensitivity.

Not expecting an emotional reaction, Ziva took his joke as conformation. "Can you pass me my clothes?" she asked him, pointing to the chair by the window.

"I take it some shopping's in order," he commented, noticing that her 'clothes' were in fact a blue hospital tracksuit. He put them on the bed as she struggled to untie the knot at the top of her gown. "Need a hand?" She continued to pull at the knot before Tony stepped in and moved her arms away from her neck. With one knee on the bed, he gently sat her up, holding her back to him with one hand and pulling at the knot with the other.

With her head resting on his shoulder, Ziva hesitantly lifted her arms around his back and held onto him so that he wouldn't have to hold her up.

As he felt her hands grip his back, he moved both his hands to her neck and untied the knot. The rest of her gown was held together with snap fasteners that she could easily pull apart herself. Before he let go, he placed one hand on the back of her head and carefully pulled the fabric back from her left shoulder as he noticed something odd. Two of the fasteners snapped open and he felt her whole body stiffen as he uncovered a brand mark that had been burnt into her flesh.

"Who did this to you?" he whispered, horrified by what he had discovered.

"Leave it, Tony," she said as she moved her hands to his chest and slowly pushed him away.

He placed his hands on her shoulders and waited for her to look at him, but she didn't. Daringly, he put his hand beneath her jaw and turned her face to meet his. He had to know who had marked her, even if it meant interrogating her. But when he saw the look in her eyes he couldn't go through with it. Instead, he moved his hand to her cheek and smiled slightly. "Let's go home."

Home. She was beginning to feel like she had one. Here in DC. If only it were true.

Tony slid the jumper over her head as she removed her arms from the gown. Once she had changed, Tony helped her up, as she refused to use a wheelchair, and together they walked out of the hospital.

**Please review:)**


	5. Scarred

It was four in the afternoon when they left the hospital, however the sky suggested otherwise. Under the illusion of the angry clouds and the sound of the rain's symphony as it leaped off the glass, not to mention the lull of the engine as they crawled their way through the heavy traffic, Ziva peacefully drifted off to sleep without a word. Unaware of where they were going or the situations that surrounded her; for once in her life she surrendered her safety, her instincts, her manner to always be prepared for anything, everything she knew from her training she abandoned, putting her life in the capable hands of the man next to her as she succumbed to months of overwhelming tiredness.

They were trapped in a long line-up of cars and as Tony braked for what seemed like the twentieth time in the last five minutes, the line-up ceased moving for good. He turned on the radio for the latest traffic report to find that they'd been an accident on Jefferson.

"Wonderful," Tony muttered. Ziva hadn't said a word since they'd left the hospital, and when he looked over at her he soon discovered why. He quickly reached to turn the radio off; grateful that he hadn't woken her.

She began to snore lightly and he smiled appreciatively at the sound that had once both shocked and driven him mad. He guessed it had been a long while since she'd last had a good night's sleep, even a hospital in Nairobi couldn't have provided the solace that relieved her now. Maybe, one day, she would be able to share with him the events that brought them to here. How she'd stolen a car and made it across the border in thirty minutes flat, or maybe how someone saw in her the same awe that he felt just looking at her now, and he'd have someone to thank for helping bring her home.

As he planned how best to wake her, he decided that he'd rather keep his manhood_ intact_ and that he would rather the sound of her snoring than no sound at all. So when he pulled up to his apartment forty minutes later, he gently undid her seatbelt and carried her across the threshold.

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Ziva awoke in the dark, weight pressing down upon her. She kicked and struggled until the weight was gone and instinctively cried out for help, knowing it would never come. Suddenly, there was a blinding light, and she shielded her eyes against it. Then came a voice, at first she thought one of her captors coming to shut her up. She looked around her cell, expecting to find a damp and empty room, apart from the vile rats that would gnaw at her feet until they were numb. She felt the man restrain her. He held her wrists and put more weigh on her fragile body.

It took her a while to recognise the voice. She knew it well, but it did not belong to her captors. _He's here_, she thought, _he found me_.

"Ziva, it's ok, you're safe," he repeated, over and over again.

Her breathing began to steady as she listened to the sound of his voice. Her body relaxed as she soon became aware of her surroundings, feeling the softness of the bed and the warmth. But she dare not open her eyes, for fear reality would betray her yet again. And then just as always he was gone. Her whole body felt moist and sticky, probably fresh blood from her latest beating. She opened her eyes…

She was in a wide room. The floor carpeted, the walls painted. The bed she had imagined beneath her and the ceiling light shining dimly. She remembered the plane which brought her back to DC, more nurses mispronouncing her name. The hospital; Abby, McGee, Ducky, Gibbs and…Tony.

"Tony," she whispered weakly.

The last thing she remembered was leaving the hospital. He must have dropped her off at a hotel. There was a door to her right. The light shone into the room and she could hear a tap running. She wasn't alone.

She reached under her pillow, searching for a knife, a gun, anything she could arm herself with. A figure moved towards the doorway. "Tony?"

She was breathing heavily again and sat rigidly on the bed. He walked around to the left side of the bed with a bowl of water in his hands which he placed carefully on the bedside table. Keeping his eyes on her the whole time he sat down on the bed and let out a breath he hadn't been aware he was holding.

She looked around once more and recognised Tony's apartment. The bed was bare; a heavy blanket lay on the floor, _the weight_ she thought to herself. Tony looked panicked, but the tension was beginning to relieve in his forehead. She must have really scared him…

He dabbed a cloth into the bowl of water. "We need to get your fever down," he explained. "Lie down." He propped some pillows up behind her as she lay back against the wooden back of his bed. He leaned forward slowly and gently pressed the damp cloth to her forehead.

She immediately felt relaxed as the cool sensation swept through her. She closed her eyes as he moved the cloth to wipe away the tears that had spilt from them. "What happened?" she asked quietly. He was almost as shaken as she was, although he hid the signs well. Only the redness in his eyes and the shine that was coming from them alerted her to his state.

"We should see Ducky in the morning," he said simply. "I think you might have an infection. Do you feel nauseous at all?" he asked seriously.

"No. Just thirsty," she replied.

Tony handed her a glass of water that was also on the bedside table.

"Thankyou," she replied as she drank deeply.

"I was in the living room," Tony began, staring vaguely across the room. "You fell asleep in the car and I thought it would be best if I didn't wake you. You looked like you needed the sleep," he said apologetically, wishing he had woken her then, just so she knew where she was. "I fell asleep on the couch. Then I heard you crying, and you called my name so I thought you must have been awake. I opened the door and turned on the light. You started screaming and kicking. I tried to calm you down…" he dropped the cloth and brought both hands up to his face. At the hospital, he'd only seen what he had wanted to see. Ziva, alive and well, her scars almost healed that he thought them insignificant. In his head he'd concocted a heroic tale of her escape; an adventure story. Until now, he hadn't realised just how naïve and selfish he'd been. Maybe because up until now he didn't think her capable of this kind of emotion. He was so happy to have her back that everything else seemed minor, irrelevant.

"I'm sorry, Ziva," he continued.

"You're sorry?" she accused, feeling embarrassed and ashamed. "You should have left me, Tony," she said angrily.

"How long?" he asked.

"What?" she said bitterly.

He turned towards her. "How long have you been waking up like this?" he asked again, sensing that it wasn't the first time.

She looked away from his intense gaze. "It won't happen again," she promised. "I-I didn't know where I was and-" She leaned forward, looking down. Words escaping her as she tried to be strong and convincing for her own sake, but it all became too much to bear and she came crashing down.

Tony's arms were around her in an instant, holding her as she cried into his chest.

"I'll never go to sleep again," she cried stubbornly.

Tony did his best to hold both of them together, but as much as he swallowed he could not alleviate the dry lump in his throat, or put a stop to the tears that wouldn't stay in his eyes.

She was crying. Ziva was holding him and crying, afraid to fall asleep, and if he was honest, he was also afraid to let her. He'd never thought he would see her like this, never thought he could ever give her comfort. And that's when he realised that she was what held him together; she gave the team their strength. His whole demeanour relied on her strength, and without it he was helpless.

"You're not ok, Ziva, but I promise that you will be," he said, making a promise to himself. "You'll sleep well once you feel safe again."

**So...I'm planning to finish this story up soon due to a lack of interest, but I'm more than happy to keep it going if I get enough reviews. **


	6. These four walls

The next time Ziva woke, she knew exactly where she was. It was hard to beat her own stubbornness, but somehow her tiredness had managed it soon enough. The comfort she had felt before easing back into her slumber, a simple gesture that she'd never fully understood, seemed to have frightened all her demons away, sensing a power so much stronger than fear or torment. In ancient times, this force could bring down entire kingdoms, and made death seem insignificant compared to the everlasting pain it could cause.

His shirt was still damp from where she had wept. She could feel the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest, and knew at once that he was asleep, even though he had promised her to stay awake. She looked past him at the clock beside the bed, and was surprised to find how easily she slipped back into routine.

It was 5:45am. The sun was just beginning to rise and she knew that there was no point in trying to catch some more sleep. Gently and without waking him, she slid herself beneath the arm at her back, incapable of letting go with his hand over her shoulder holding it firmly in place around her. Once she was free of his body's shield, she finally brought her eyes to rest on his face. They hadn't been asleep long, and she was stunned to realise that his cheeks had been dampened by tears of his own, which he hadn't bothered to hide from her. She was glad she hadn't woken him. She'd crossed the line last night. Never in her life had there been a time where she was more open with someone, and she was afraid her mistake would cost her dearly. If his tears were any indication at all, she knew that last night he had seen her in a whole different light, and that any or all feelings he had for her had been spoiled by pity. He felt sorry for her. And the last thing she wanted was sympathy from Tony.

She decided that now would probably be the best time to take a shower. Normally, she would prefer a bath in order to relax, but she had always found that running water helped her think more clearly. And at present she had _a lot_ to think about.

The water wasn't as soothing as she had hoped it would be, and she found that only at a temperature barely above warm could her abrasions withstand the contact. She wished she could have told the Director more. More about where she had been held or even her suspicions and thoughts on who had captured her, but she hadn't. It wasn't that she was afraid of being wrong, but more that she was terrified of being right.

She felt helpless not being able to do anything. Part of her wanted desperately to go to the Israeli embassy and settle a few scores, while the more investigative side of nature knew that the best way to fix this was to put all her faith in Gibbs. Gibbs, she trusted, Vance, she disliked but hoped she could trust, and being in the custody of Tony well…that could prove a problem, depending on how long they were stuck here.

Accepting the idea that for once there was perhaps nothing she could, or at least should do, the underlying factor was she did not have the strength to finish it.

When she finally got out of the shower over half an hour later, even though the low temperature of the water had almost immediately started to make her shiver, she came to the conclusion that it had not been her thoughts that had kept her in the cold for so long. As she hugged the towel to her quivering body and noticed the fresh shirt that had been left for her, she realised it was Tony.

Her blue tracksuit that she had left on the floor had been replaced by one of Tony's long-sleeved office shirts. She quickly dried and changed into the only available clothing, furious that Tony had taken the liberty of choosing her wardrobe, and hesitantly opened the door to the bedroom.

Unsurprisingly, he was no longer in bed. She slowly made her way towards the kitchen. Her bare legs with all their scars and abrasions made her angry, yet her nerves held her back.

She caught sight of him from the doorway. He seemed to be juggling boiling pots and sizzling pans quite skilfully, and she subconsciously took a moment to admire this side of him that she'd never seen before. She even felt guilty that she hadn't the appetite for the meal he was so dedicated to, and wasn't sure she had the heart to tell him.

"I thought I might indulge you, though it seems you already done quite a bit of that this morning," he called over his shoulder as she hovered in the doorway, commenting on the lengthy shower she had taken.

She immediately felt embarrassed and was thankful that he wasn't facing her. She took a few steps into the room. "Sorry, I didn't mean to be so long," she said ruefully.

He turned around and used all his strength to keep his eyes on hers. "Did it help?" he asked sincerely.

"Yes," she lied.

"Take a seat."

"Where are my clothes?" she asked slowly before sitting down.

His eyes involuntarily wandered to her legs and he hesitated as he did not want her to think that the anger that was sure to betray his voice was in any way intended for her. "Um they're in the wash," he replied in a way that implied 'no big deal'.

"You did not have anything more appropriate," she asked dryly, indicating to his shirt, "No clothes left behind by an ex-girlfriend?"

Tony stared at her in wonder while he processed her words. "Sorry, I didn't think you would mind. And I've never had a girlfriend move in with me before, Ziva, so why would I have woman's clothes?" he said cynically. She looked away, a silent act of raising the white flag. "Sorry," he repeated, "its only temporary. Abby offered to drop some clothes by later."

She glared at him and he couldn't help but smile at the thought of her dressed in Abby's knee-high boots and mini-skirt, skull and cross-bone T.

"Have you spoken to Gibbs?" she asked, quickly changing the subject before she lost what little control over her emotions that she had.

"Yeah, no leads yet," he said thoughtfully, leaving out the fact that Vance seemed to be conducting his own private investigation and had blocked Gibbs from entering mtac.

"Then shouldn't you be at work?" she asked hastily.

"Nope," he said cheerfully, sensing that she obviously wanted to be left alone. "Wherever you go, I go. That being from that wall over there to the door," he added quickly. "Unless of course we run out of food, which in that case we may have to go shopping. But most likely McGee will play delivery boy should we run out of supplies." His attempt at humour wasn't welcomed.

She felt trapped, like her grand escape had never happened.

She had yet made no further attempt to sit down, her eyes averted. He slowly walked up to her and held her arm gently. She jumped but still did not face him. "What's wrong?" he asked softly.

"I've been guarded constantly for two months, Tony," she replied. "Let me know when it's over." She tried to push passed him and sit at the counter, but he stood in front of her.

"Ziva," he said sternly, clearly not buying it. He was standing so close to her now that she had no choice but to look up at him. "If this is about last night-"

"It's not your place to feel sorry, Tony," she said quickly, wishing they could just forget about all of it.

"I was going to say I wish I hadn't fallen asleep," he said thoughtfully, wishing he'd been able to greet her good morning. "Do you feel sorry?" he asked suddenly.

She looked away from him briefly. "The pot is boiling over," she replied.

"What?" He turned around. "Oh."

As he moved out of her way to salvage what was left of his indulgence, Ziva sat down at the counter.

"What will you do today?" she asked quickly while he was still distracted.

"You mean, what will 'we' do?" he corrected. "Well Ducky's due around nine so-"

"Ducky?" she enquired.

He took the pot off the stove and placed his hand gently over her forehead in answer to her question. "You're cold," he said curiously.

"No," she replied. She felt fine even though she was sure that her cold shower was going to cost her.

"Wasn't a question," he said worriedly.

"I'm not infected, Tony," she snapped.

He dropped his hand. "Ok, but I'd still feel better if you'd let Ducky check you over," he said warmly. "You hungry?" he asked.

"I do not need you to take care of me, Tony," she said awkwardly.

"I know that, Ziva, but what if I wanted to?" he asked. Maybe he was trying to make it up to her; maybe he was doing it for his own comfort. Either way, he wanted to be there for her, whether she wanted him there or not.

She did not like being made weak in front of Tony, but neither did she want to hurt him more than she already had. Truth is she really did feel sorry about last night, but she was going to have to let it go if they were going to work through this.

'What's for breakfast?"


	7. Listen

**Sorry about the wait guys. I have some free time on my hands now and I've decided to take this story slower than I started it because I'm really enjoying writing it and have some big plans for it in the future lol. Enjoy:)**

"What time is it?" Ziva asked sullenly. After a very short breakfast of bacon and eggs that of which were no longer in the pit of her stomach, nor did they have the chance to get that far, they had settled down silently on the couch watching whatever trivial program they could to keep themselves occupied until Ducky's arrival.

"Almost nine," he replied tiredly. "Don't worry; I've never known Ducky to miss an appointment." He was still feeling guilty about breakfast. Now, he honestly didn't know what he should do for her. Not waking her up was wrong, waking her up was wrong, putting her clothes in the wash was wrong, even making her breakfast was wrong. And even though she was trying to convince him that calling Ducky to call in was wrong, he was sure that they would both gladly welcome the distraction.

"This is ridiculous!" Ziva exclaimed unexpectedly.

Was she talking about the program or the 'them not talking'? "You know, I have quite a vast film selection if you're bored, or," he hesitated, "we could always just 'talk'".

She glared at him. Suddenly he moved closer towards her. She recoiled away from him, unaware of what he was doing. She closed her eyes as she felt his hands gently cupping her cheeks. He kept them there for a while and subtly began to caress her jaw line with his thumbs, gliding them up over her chin and towards her lips, but just as he was about to go there he swiftly raised his hand to her forehead.

"Your temperature's up again," he commented. "Maybe you should go lie down until Ducky gets here."

She slowly opened her eyes as the contact between them was served and breathed out cautiously. "I want you to," she began quickly, "I mean I don't want you to," she breathed in deeply, "treat me differently," she told him, looking down at his chest.

"You want us to go back to how things were," he stated solemnly. She wanted to go back to avoiding him, lying to each other and secrets.

"Yes!" she exclaimed, "Before any of this ever happened. You, me, McGee and Gibbs: a team. I don't want to be looked after, I just want to put the past behind me," she stated firmly.

He hesitated. "I thought you were, tired of pretending," he said softly.

_Ding-dong_

"Helloo…" Ducky called through the door. Right on time.

"I'll get it!" Tony and Ziva announced in unison.

"You stay," Tony said ignoring what had just happened.

"How's our patient?" Ducky asked as he wandered in.

"I'm fine, Ducky," Ziva said stubbornly. She was tired of being referred to as a patient.

"She has a fever, Duck," Tony interjected speaking on her behalf. "It began last night as far as I know."

"I was having a nightmare, Tony," Ziva argued.

"And this morning?" Tony asked.

"I had a cold shower," she said compellingly. She turned to Ducky. "My back was causing me pain," she told him. "And I stayed in for too long," she said concluding her argument with Tony.

"She seems to be fine now," Ducky stated checking her over.

"But…I checked her a minute ago," Tony began, "she-"

"I'll give you some more painkillers for your back, my dear," Ducky interrupted, picking up on the tense atmosphere they held between them. "As for this, 'fever'," Ducky began sceptically, "might I suggest you both keep the bickering to a minimum?"

"If I'm not feeling fine I will tell you, Tony," Ziva promised.

"Duck, can I speak with you for a moment?" Tony said quietly, leading him into the kitchen. "Just tell me, what should I do?" he began. "I can't wake her up, I can't wash her clothes…I can't even make her breakfast without her throwing up."

"I wouldn't expect anything less in her condition," Ducky stated casually.

"And now I'm wrong again aren't I?" Tony continued to himself.

"My boy," Ducky began firmly, "you're no doctor. All you can do is your best and Ziva knows that. I know it's a lot to ask from you, but Gibbs believes you can do it and so do I."

"What do I do, Duck?" Tony repeated warily.

"Listen to her, Tony," he replied simply. "If anyone knows how she's feeling its Ziva."

As they wandered back into the living room Ducky announced, "Alrighty then, I think it's time I should head off. Ziva, I'll get Abby to drop the painkillers by later," he called out and before either of them knew it he was gone.

**Sorry for the shortness, I've had a fair bit of time off so you'll have to bear with me while I get back into the swing of things;)**** Please review and I'll try and update tomorrow:)**

**Sophie x**


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